Docs appointments

Hey there campers

So … Doctors…..

My usual one is on holiday and if your a regular reader you may have read about my dreams

The lack.of sleep got to me so i made an appointment with the locum a female doctor which.oddly i don’t like i prefer a male doctor find them easy to talk to.

Anyhoo she was understanding and didn’t look at me with.pity but i found her dismissive and a little patronizing

She did however prescribe me anti depressants I’ve been on mood stabilizers and beta blockers for over a year but not anti depressants

She did say something very.interesting that the high levels of medications im on shouldn’t be regulated by the gp but a mental health specialist

So an appointment is to be made with my usual gp to arrange referral to psych

Feel like I’ve gone back 2 years but hopefully the New tablets will bring my mood up reduce the dreams and dizziness

laters gators

kk xxx

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Dreams

Hey there campers

So dreams …..
They say everybody dreams. Not everyone remembers their dreams though!

I do…remember my dreams in technicolour minute detail

Good or bad, recurring or one offs i remember my dreams

As you know i suffer with depression and anxiety the medication im on to control these issues have some funky side effects

Standard ones such as lethargy, poorly tummy, dizziness and weight gain.

But there’s the one that really does me in and that’s my already vivid and prolific dreams timesed¬† by a 100
To the point i don’t know im dreaming till i wake up

They are like Alice in wonderland on acid horrific snapshots of my life and of dreamland intermingled with good moments

Sometimes i wake up from these dreams still dreaming still imagining flying insects and bats flying round my head and a strange man knocking down the door or the worst waking up and feeling like i need to be somewhere saving someone but i can’t quite remember what i need to do

These dreams stop me wanting to sleep too scared to slip into dreamland  too.scared to wake up in the real world

So tonight like every night i will check my room for insects close all the windows double even triple lock the front door nightlight switched on landing light on bedroom door open just a crack curtains shut to the outside world

Because what if….what if im not dreaming

Reading back i sound like a crazy.person someone who isn’t in control paranoid scary a bit touched a nut case

Im none of those things

Im just a women having a rough time on medication that makes an already crazy person a bit more ….well…..crazy

laters gators

kk xxx

Anxiety and new experiences

Hey there campers

So today was my confirmation interview at college

Have been nervous for weeks as wasnt sure what to expect

Also wasnt sure whether i should explain my mental health issues to my course tutor or whether i need extra support

I decided to admit the issues just in case something happens and then at.least a couple of people know how to handle me

Also meant i could go to doc appointments and cbt appointments could be attended without issue

The recommendations for support are an extra person in class that im able to go to if i need them ie for a panic attack or i need space
Access to the quiet area which is only for certain students who require ‘time out’
And if i need to take medication during the day i can have access to the nurses office and they will look after my meds

I have my start date which is Tuesday the 11th for 2hours

So next week will be preparing and making sure i have everything i need

Now the rest of the day i will be chilling out and writing lists

laters gators

kk xxx

Headache from hell

Hey there campers

Today has been crappy got struck down with a headache shortly after waking up

Had plans today
Moving furniture
Cleaning the kitchen
Washing
And organising stuff
Managed very little

Taken painkillers and been drinking oj

Bed early tonight looking after my 8 year old nephew for the day tomorrow and he can be quite a handful if im under the weather

Hopefully i can get stuff done tomorrow while hes crafting

He does love to craft like his auntie katie

laters gators

kk xxx

Plans

Hey there campers

I have discovered that if i dont have plans for a day my mood drops that plan can be as small as organising a box or making a cuppa at a certain time
No plans means absolutley nothing gets done and my mood is so low i dont want to make plans ever

A catch 22 from hell

laters gators

kk xxx

The trouble with tribbles

Hey there campers

More like the trouble with weekends

Ive never liked weekends even when i worked a million hours during the week

Reason: they are more lonely than the rest of the week

Monday to friday even if i dont go out, ring anybody or speak to another living creature i can if i want to
I can pop out to the library or go to the shops phone support if i need to
And in the evenings i can phone my mum and have a chat

At the weekends its different mums usually doing other things offices are closed even twitter is quiet
Other people have boyfriends husbands girlfriends wives children family friends that they see at the weekend

I am alone

laters gators

kk xxx

Cbt

Hey there campers

So once a week i see a cognitive behavioual therapist
Ive seen counsellors over the years on and off since i was at school
You know the sort talking therapies, person centred therapies and straight up venting sessions

So ive been trying this since last september but it didnt go well at first the therapist was inconsistent and a little flaky so i complained and got a new one

She is fantastic very intuitive and easy to talk to

Its going well i guess

Except my mood has dropped significantly over the last year i guess as im bringing up some bloody awful stuff in therapy its spilling over

Anyhoo nuff about that

laters gators

kk xxx