happy new year

hey there campers
its the last evening of 2012

my new year resolutions are as follows

to chill out about making plans ie not planning every little detail lots of weeks in advance

to leave the flat more and be more confident about it

and to blog more


trips out

hey there campers


one of things my anxiety effects is leaving the flat

i HATE going out well not exactly going out but leaving my safe comfortable home

sometimes i will survive withput bread or milk for days coz i dont want to go out see people cope with noise

people make too much noise they invade my personal space they speak to me when i cant think to speak

it all stresses me out too much

but its difficult for people to understand
how can it be so diffucult to leave the front door why do u leave shops half wsy tgrough forgetting items on your list because its all too overwhelming
why do u leave the classroom for a wander trying to escape the incessant noise

i understand why people dont get it but theres nothing i can say to make them understand

its my birthday

hey there campers

so……im 30 today

30 ….. never thought id make it to be honest

30…. i thought id be married with kids by now

life throws some curveballs

hectic stressful day so im chilling with the stripper mug my brother gave me filled with hot chocolate some party rings and a film

spoilt to the nth degree


xmas eve

hey there campers

so…. its xmas eve 2012

just me and the cats

listening to the rain

dinner at my sisters tomorrow

least i dont have to cook

hoping nephew 1 +2 love their presents

wishing for no arguments or tension

be home at tea time to feed the cats

then an evening of xmas telly and cuddling the cats

waiting for boxing day to bring my birthday

nervous of people being in my flat

but looking forward to a new decade

leaving the turbulent twenties behind

entering my thirties with renewed enthusiasm and hope

leaving behind the worse of the depression and worry

beginning a new chapter

starting it with a party

with my family and best friend

merry christmas


hey there campers .

so…. its nearly christmas!
which means i’m 30 in 3 days ….yes….my birthday is boxing day .

always loved the fact my birthday is near christmas ive never worked on my birthday my family are always free and though the day has a xmas feel ive always felt special
this year i decided i didnt want to leave the flat i usually gave to stay.at my mums or go elsewhere so im throwing myself a party (you are only 30 once)

its only for family plus my best friend andd her mum (weve been friends a bloody long time she counts as family)

ive bought the food i am shocked at how much i spent lol

the flat has been tidied hoovered and my bedroom turned into a junk room

the bloke is off to spain to see family so we did a birthday treat yesterday we went yo nandos and watched the hobbit which i thought was aewsome!!!
my pressies from the bloke for xmas and bday was a new battery for my phone so i have a spare a memory card for my phone so i can put music on it an a3 leather portfolio with 2 black paper sketch books
im a lucky girl

anyhoo back to cleaning bathroom to do next then the kitchen floor and sides ….


Hey there campers…


Due to my mental health issues (severe depression and anxiety) I received amazing support from a company called Guinness Care and Support, I was receiving support from them for 2 years and in that 2 years my confidence increased. I felt comfortable with my support worker, in fact she was one of the few people I allowed in my flat.

Earlier this year I found out that due to housing benefit changes affecting the under 35’s i could no longer live in my flat, I had been there 2 years and I had thought I wouldn’t be leaving there any time soon.  I have had to move in to a housing association property which just happened to be the same company I received support from just a different arm, Guinness Hermitage.

I decided in May this year that I was going to go back to college full-time after doing a skills for life course for a year which was only 8 hours a week.  I decided that I wanted to go back to art which I studied for a year when I left school I didn’t continue because I didn’t get the results I wanted (they were plenty to progress but I’m very hard on myself and wanted higher marks).  I decided that I wanted to be an art therapist and/or teach/support special needs young people.  Arts and crafts being the one thing that keeps me sane and I want to encourage creativity in young people as I feel it’s not given the attention it deserves in schools.  Also art therapy isn’t freely available and I feel I would have benefited from it.

I was worried about how I would afford to do the art course as I’m unable to work due to my mental health issues and I barely survive on the benefits I receive.  I expressed my concern to my support worker and she recalled that Guinness Partnership ran an education award each year for those supported by GP either with care and support or housing. She put me forward for the award in June this year.

Just a couple of weeks later I found out I was one of the lucky recipients, I was invited to go to London to receive the award.  I gave them a list of the materials and tools I would need for my course, and prepared myself for a rare trip on my own.  I used to be very confident and would go on many trips on the train or bus on my own with very little trepidation, in the last 3 years however a lot of that confidence has disappeared and for a while I was agoraphobic (and to some degree I still am).  Due to the time and date of the awards lunch there wasn’t anyone available to accompany me so I decided to go alone, I was petrified and was certain I was either going to get very lost and/or have a panic attack.  It wasn’t plain sailing I had a few hiccups with what I was wearing and having to take a few breathers in public toilets but I got there.  I HATE having my picture taken I was very nervous when I saw the camera guy! I also had to stand up in front of about 30 people and say a little speech never wanted to hide so much in my life! Then there was a photo shoot where I had to pose with some art materials next to a very large brick wall.

Afterwards I travelled across London to have a look round the Tate Modern i got lost a lot but I did it! Was going to attempt the Tate Britain too but it had got quite late so I travelled home.

I received the materials in plenty of time and started my course with enthusiasm that hasn’t waned as yet.  I’m enjoying myself greatly and if the first unit is to go by I’m doing well.

I had kinda put the whole experience to the back of my mind I had got very busy with college and acquiring 2 very beautiful but mischievous cats!  Then out of the blue i got a phone call from a very nice lady I had met at the awards who worked for Guinness Partnership.  She wanted to know if I minded my photo being in Guinness promotional magazines etc. of course though feeling a bit overwhelmed by being asked and knowing people I know would see my photo! I said yes.

Then I was asked something that blew me away I was asked if I would design the front cover of their corporate calendar! YES! Me asked to design something! My first commission!

Of course I said yes and I got right on designing, I sent them 6 designs and below you can see which one. Also I have attached a picture of me as Miss January in the calendar and I received a Guinness publication with my photo in it promoting the awards.

For someone who HATES their photo taken …….