Catch up

Hey there campers


Im doing ok

Not great but im coping …. Just

A mixture of the cats stopping me from being lonely, having to go to college and seeing one of my best friends tonight is helping me and preventing me from isolating myself and getting into a place id rather not return to

I have a wrag interview at the jobcentre tomorrow im nervous and anxious but as its supposed to be there to help me im going to try and see it as a positive

This might be controversial in some circles of society but if it helps me cope i dont give a f**k

Any hoo off to college



hey there campers


i promised i would go into more detail at some point about the break up last night 

so bloke is a nomad and likes to travel im a stay at home girl 

so his excuse for dumping me was initially that hes planning to travel more and he wouldnt be sure of his ummmm ability not to cheat on me while he was travelling 


then he said he had been finding himself looking for someone else

i said who?


he said his ex……….


i swore…..a lot


we are over 

Being dumped

Hey there campers


I got dumped tonight partly by text partly on the phone


Hes that much of a twat

So much for having a supportive bloke

Ill go into it in a bit more depth another day when im not so angry

But i shall leave you with this……

Sometimes the lure of being a crazy lady living alone with half a dozen cats is very strong……


Hey there campers

Today i have done very little

Sunday nights are awful for me i barely sleep i have anxiety about not sleeping enough and by morning i have headaches so bad i feel sick and cant move

My attendance at college is not good and so i am with the best of intentions going to try my hardest to go in tomorrow

So today ive taken it easy eating when i want drinking lots of chamomile tea and spending time crafting and reading

The next two hours im going to watch telly cross stitch and drink lots of chamomile plus take my anxiety meds

Ive got a long day tomorrow my normal timetable plus a student union meeting (im mature and disability reps) im worried about the cats it will be the longest ive left them during the day and im worried ill be so tired i wont be able to enjoy my blokes birthday treat on tuesday
A lot on my mind

I know they are silly things to worry about the cats wont suffer an extra hour and a half longer without me i expect they wont really notice they always have plenty of food down

And as it will be a long day im bound to sleep well and bloke is very understanding

We are going to the cinema ive organised train tickets so he doesnt have to drive ive bought pizza and garlic bread for our tea all reasonably easy for me to manage without added anxiety

Just hope he likes his card and present

Good doctors

Hey there campers

Yesterday i went to the doctors

My gp is awesome he listens and understands which makes my life so much less stressful

He doesnt want me to see psychiatrists etc anymore as they make me more anxious so he monitors my medication

Ive been struggling on beta blockers for anxiety for awhile now they make me duzzy and nauseous so he changed me to one that is short action and i only take if i need them not every day so much better

If your a regular reader you will know that ive been struggling to sleep and ive been pretty grumpy and miserable as a result ive been on sleeping tablets but i hate them and the gp gates putting me on them.  So he has given me antihistamines off label to help me sleep

He also agreed with me that i shoukd start lowering my mood meds i get so many side affects that i dont function the way id like to we arent going to be doing this till the spring or summer but its something to look forward to

Positive anyway i needed something positive this week


Hey there campers


Why have i stepped up the blog posts?

I discovered relatively recently that talking about my mental health issues in an honest and frank way made others talk about theres and in one case made them go for help.

I hate talking about depression and anxiety i hate it with pasiion and horror. But. If it helps get others to talk about it then surely its a good thing.

Sometimes what i write here maybe uncomfortable or painful for you to read especially if you know me well. But. If it gets us, you talking about mental health which in turn ends the stigma or taboo about talking about it then i will keep writing.

You may have noticed my spelling and grammar is dodgy, i dont find writing easy its not my strong point reading is my thing.

But. Still i write.

So you, us, we will talk about mental health


Hey there campers


I read


my current must read list is hitting nearly 70 books

57 on ny kindle
One ‘proper’ book on the go
3 stephen kings i have read but want to read again
5 i got for xmas
Plus 1 i borrowed from the library

Can i read them all before next christmas?