Cheer up!

Hey there campers

So….

Ive been thinking of the things people have told me over the years, the things theyve said either well meaning or because they think that it shoukd help

Heres a list

Cheer up
You are just lazy though arent you
Colouring in is immature
You shouldnt take so many medications its bad for you
Oh just get over it
Have a good night sleep youll feel better tomorrow
You wear an angel pendant…. Pray to god thatll make u feel better
Have a shower and put on some clean clothes and youll be right as rain
Other people have it worse you have nothing to be depressed about
But you seem.so confident
Grow up
Get yourself a bloke and have a kid then u wont have anything to be depressed about
Its just going outside what is there to be frightened of
Well your crazy arent you so u understand how someone could commit murder
Are u a danger to other people
U shouldnt look after your nephew though shoukd you i mean you are a nutter
Get a job!
But you were doing so well
Arent you better yet you must be milking it
Why are u worrying its easy
But your so clever
Well u havent been suicidal so your not ill enough to join a mental health group
Oh your dosages are high you seem fine though so no need to see a psych professional
Your not ill enough to see psych
Your too ill to work

Theres more ill do another post on this soon

No reason

Hey there campers

So…

Today im having a bad day
I didnt get up till late which breaks one of my most important rules

I did homework
I made bread
I coloured in

The entire time i was fighting tears and angry outbursts
I shouted at cleo just for sitting next to me

I shouted i screamed i cried

Im shaking

Im panicking about college tomorrow

I needed to go out and get my prescription
I coukdnt even get dressed

Thers no reason for this
None whatsoever
Im so frustrated angry and sad for no reason

I dont want to be stuck indoors i dont want to cry all the time i dont want to be like this

Depression is hell on earth hell

cooking and stuff

hey there campers

 

so….

 

earlier i posted that i was knackered i had no energy i had used it all up yesterday

 

well ive had a blast of i dont know… hyperness i guess

changed the bedding 

dyed my hair

cooked a curry

did some colouring for a card

put the rubbish out 

and well now i’m just going to spend the rest of the day listening to radio 4 and doing some homework 

 

found i work better with the radio on than with the telly so this is going to be my new system i think 

 

oh btw i dyed my hair … i said that… but its only but a reddish tinge on my hair rather than making it dark violet lol

Noticing something

Hey there campers

So…

Today i noticed something
Well i noticed it about 5 minutes ago

However anxious i am however stressed however depressed somedays i can achieve things anyway

Today i made phonecalls had someone on freegle come and collect some old wellies and wrote a letter

Not bad

I did get invited out to a gig i got in a tizz coukdnt go then thought (excuse the language) fuck it

Ill go

Then stuff happened and we couldnt go

So i made spag bol i dont cook from scratch often but i achieved a reasonably edible dinner and fits with the diet

I just wish i could live a ‘normal’ life with just average anxiety

Anxiety

Hey there campers

So……

Last night i got myself in a right tizz about having to go shopping today it was so bad i woke up at 6 this morning and though i got back to sleep for a couple of hours im tired still plus the anxieties which i can sometimes sleep off lingered right through today

Why?

Food/grocery shopping
For me its like cycling on a treadmill it makes me breathless frustrated and exhausted and brings my mood down to a level i get scared of

Plus i had planned to start my new diet today i was scared i woukd fail at the first hurdle stress related buying of chocolate and biscuits

I was awesome! No chocolate no biscuits no snacks
Just lots and lots of fruit and veg and meat free sausages and burgers
I will lose weight i will i will i will

Once i got home i was tired from the effort it took me to stay in the supermarket till i got everything rather than running out with nothing as the panic attacks overwhelm me and try to keep my breathing even and slow and reading packets without my spectacles on and pushing a wayward trolley and making a phonecall to the taxi company and making conversation with the taxi driver and unloading the car and carrying all the shopping up the stairs and putting it all away…. You know what after a quick shower i dozed on the soda i was k-nackered
And no chocolate to treat myself either!

Anyhoo panic and anxiety attacks ruin my life but they dont overwhelm my life as much as they used to

Time to read my book

No regrets

Hey there campers

So…

Been thinking recently about things i havent done

I never learnt to drive
Ive never been abroad without either my mum or gran
Ive never pursued my dream of doing an english literature qualification
Ive never been married
Ive never had kids
Ive never held a job for more than 2 years
Ive never been in a relationship for more than 2 years

Ive got time yet to do those things
You shoukd only regret the things havent done not those you have