Hiya guys and gals

I think if i have a long standing arrangement im mch more anxious and freaked out on the build up and thats when i make my excuses and dont go

However if i have no.arrangements i find it impossible to go.out due to my anxiety

But if i plan.something for the next day i have so little time to.get worked up the appointment is a success

Hmmmm in other words im batshit crazy


trying my hardest


im really trying to get back on track after my mood blip a few weeks ago but struggling to catch up at college and round the flat plus if i do a load of stuff in one go im so shattered afterwards im useless for the rest of the day.

so trying to do things slowly 


not working very well


at all


but trying my hardest

Big steps

Hiya me chickadees

I did something quite big yesterday at the doctors then again at cbt
I spoke to the doctor about the fact i havent been able to lose weight though ive been really strict with my diet i havent gained anything either which is good i suppose
Anyway its down to my pcos the reason im not losing weight and why im getting spottier and why im having to pluck my chin hair (tmi but fellow pcos sufferers will know this isnt a good sign)
So i need to make an appointment to see a nurse for weight loss management sessions after i have completed a food diary
As pcos sufferers are at a high risk of type two diabetes and i have family history of thyroid problems i get to have a fasting blood test in a couple of weeks . Lucky me.

Plus been given funky new painkillers for when i have migraines and had a whinge about the mood stabiliser im on

I rarely moan to the doctor about my general health issues just the mh stuff so a big step

Then in cbt i told her i didnt like the venue we are in as ive had bad experiences there which arent helped by the personal alarms going off
We do have access to another venue so hopefully will be able to go there more

Also ive decided to start an art journal to help me express my feelings in a more suitable way.for me
This is cool because i want to be an art therapist and art journalling kinda ticks that box for me and my cbt lady agrees

So ive been brave this week and however minor you think these achievements are to me there are mahooooooosive


Hello sweethearts

Tomorrow i have doctors and cbt this happens on occassion as its my only real day off during the week and i keep it clear for appointments of this nature

I get really stressed about having one appt but two well i have a headache and im struggling to even comprehend getting up tomorrow
The anxiety has set in already trying to calm down so i can go to college this afternoon


Hello darlings

So its been nearly 2 months since the bloke dumped me

Im still angry and bitter about it and i still miss him

However……its less and less intense as each day passes

And that bit of anger that still remains
That will stop me from jumping into another one sided relationship with the same speed and stupidity

With each failed relationship i get stronger and more independant and less trusting

Also i had a bit of a rough day on monday and i came home angry frustrated and downright pissed off
I cleaned and moved furniture

This amuses me as when im sad or happy i dont clean in fact i avoid at all costs lol but when im angry……..i turn into mrs beeton

Mental health and me

Hello me lovelies

Well ive not been any good at keeping up the blogging at the moment

This blog was supposed to be an honest account of how mental illness affects me
Not blogging when im having a rough time is in my eyes dishonest

But the nature of the illness is that i isolate myself i dont want to go out i dont want to talk to anyone i dont want to see anyone

Even the cats

I have to push myself to interact with others and well the cats dont allow me to isolate myself from them (cat owners will know what i mean)

Im gradually coming out of this blip which was worse than they have been for quite awhile

But its slow hard and bloody frustrating to be honest

Im attempting to get back on top of the housework and pushing myself to contact friends and family

Im dizzy drowsy grumpy and migrainy constantly but making myself go to college so i dont miss too much

Catching up

Hello me lovelies

Higher dose of meds making me drowsy and dizzy and nauseous so not been blogging or twittering as much as usual

Mood has picked up a bit since last week but still not quite right

Lots to do for college and housework as i let it slide while i was very low

Slowly catching up